BACHELORS AT THEIR BEST

You’ve come to the right place for tips and tricks to make your single lifestyle more elevated, taking you out of the cheap seats and making you a VIP Bachelor.

Visit the various postings and learn about the toys, techniques and technology that will put you on the road to top shelf  BACHELOR LIVING.

INTRODUCING YOUR HOST

Fortunately for your blog host, he has remained a bachelor all of his life. (Having represented men in some 400 divorces in New York during his law career might have something to do with that).

Your host for the past ten years has been a frequent article contributor to one of the world’s largest and best known James Bond Lifestyle sites, and has lived or traveled in Germany, Denmark, Costa Rica, Korea, Singapore, the Bahamas and Mexico.

In this VIP BACHELOR CLUB, there are no lap dances, just solid advice to upgrade your lifestyle to where you want it to be.

DISCLOSURE

I am an affiliate of Bluehost web hosting, Ties.com, Famous Smoke Shop and Amazon. Where image or text links take you to an affiliate, this will be clearly indicated in the post where such links exist. Where you see the word “affiliate” in the caption of an image, that means I have a relationship with that vendor wherein I receive a commission from purchases made from this site. Side bar ads are from affiliates. This site is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Using the available products and services through this site does not cost you anything more, but I get a small commission from my affiliate relationships .  This site does not collect personal data from visitors at this time.

CHECK THE CATEGORIES  for articles that will interest you.

DIVORCED? DON’T FORGET TO PICK UP YOUR COPY OF 

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THE BORN AGAIN BACHELOR’S BIBLE

A guide for the newly minted or the experienced divorced man who wants to stay that way. Learn how to survive and thrive as a born again bachelor, with tips and tricks from a bachelor lawyer. Any divorced man can benefit from the advice given. Get it today.

NOW ON WITH THE SHOW…

NATIONAL BOW TIE DAY BACHELORS!

BACHELORS:

August 28 is National Bow Tie Day in the United States.  I know that most of you are getting ready to celebrate it.

You are hanging the bow tie lights around the house, setting up the decorations on the bow tie tree, and listening to your favorite holiday songs about the bow tie. 

You eagerly await the arrival of the Great Bow Tie who will emerge from your shirt collar and bring stripes and pin dots to all of the good little boys in bow tie land.

Okay, maybe not.  In fact, you probably never heard of National Bow Tie Day.

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               Let’s neck!

But perhaps, in your private moments, when the thought police were not monitoring your alpha waves, you asked yourself, “Should I, could I, would I wear a bow tie?”

This is an opportunity for an agonizing reappraisal about what is important in your life; lifestyle, (bachelor of course), liberty, (unmarried of course), and the pursuit of the bow tie.

Now, while many associate the bow tie with the nerds of the world, be advised that this humble neck nuzzler originated from seventeenth century Croatian mercenaries, who were a pretty tough bunch.

Maybe you think that wearing one will make you look professorial, or like you should be a cub reporter for The Daily Planet. (Jimmy Olsen Superman reference, gents).

But not necessarily. 

Doctors wear them often, because they don’t get as messed up and germ laden as long ties.  Lawyers often wear them to look like, well, lawyers.  Modern day Dandies wear them with the appropriate (or inappropriate) vest.  Bartenders and waiters often sport bow ties for the same reason doctors do.

Think about it. When and where in your VIP Bachelor life would the bow tie be appropriate for you, or even FUN to sport about your handsome neck?  Put your mind to it and you’ll come up with many opportunities to wear your bow tie.

Maybe you are intimidated by the bow tie, as it is difficult to tie, but only when you haven’t a clue how to do it.  Here’s how on YouTube

Okay, now you know how, deep down you know you want to participate in the swinging world of the bow tie, so  get yours from my affiliate and enjoy yours today!

Have you worn a bow tie?  Make your confession in the comments section.

BACHELOR BASIC TRAINING: CIGARS

BACHELORS:

One of the many things you can do as a single man, should you choose to, is smoke a cigar in your bachelor pad. 

The poor married guys have to go out on the back porch or to a cigar lounge to indulge in one of life’s better masculine pleasures. Single guys not living with anybody have it good when it comes to stogies. (And other things).

Some of you out there may be old hands at the cigar, some may be newbies.  This article is mainly for the newbies.  There is a lot of pretentious crap out there about how to smoke, how to light, how to fornicate with a cigar.

It isn’t rocket science folks.  It’s pretty basic, and that’s what these type of articles are about, basic training for the bachelors.  So let’s begin.

File:Sigmund Freud LIFE.jpg
      Siggy smoked ’em.

There are three constituent parts to a cigar, the wrapper, which covers the binder, which covers the filler.  You want a cigar that is one hundred percent tobacco, not the machine made floor sweepings crap that guys who visit the two dollar window at the track  might favor. (Hopefully not).

The main countries from where good cigar tobacco comes from are Cuba (of course), the Dominican Republic, Honduras and Nicaragua.  There are cigars made from the tobaccos of other Central American countries,  Brazil, Jamaica, the Philippines and cheap crap made from the fields of Kentucky and Pennsylvania.

Rule Number One with a cigar: Don’t even think about inhaling.  You will turn a greener shade of pale. It ain’t a cigarette gents.

Now, you will notice upon close inspection, a cigar has two ends. One you stick in your mouth, one you light. The part you stick in your mouth usually is closed with a cap.  When lighting a cigar, you have to slightly trim the cap off of the cigar, so that the cigar will draw tobacco smoke from the lit end to your mouth. 

Rule Number Two: Don’t cut off the tip any more than a quarter inch, or you will see your wrapper start to do a strip tease. You can use your teeth (gross) a cigar cutter or scissor, or a cigar punch. 

My personal opinion is use the cutter, the punch just creates a narrow channel for evil wicked tobacco juice to travel to your tongue and make you go Yecch!

A rough guide for how to puff on the cigar to keep it from burning too hot and screwing up the flavor, is one puff per minute.  No, that is not written in stone, just a rough guideline.

Cigars can go out when you smoke them, and it’s okay to relight them, but the more you relight them, the less you get the original taste coming at you.

Image result for public domain image cigar
    Rise up and light up!

There are a wide range of cigar strengths, and often the catalogs that sell them will give you a strength indicator by some kind of visual.  Newbies should stick with the lighter strength cigars in the beginning.  (Think Macanudo, for example). You don’t want to puke from the nicotine spins on your first date with your cigar.

Price is not necessarily an indication of cigar quality, and you are going to have to experiment with a variety of brands.  Also, in the morning, you might want to smoke a lighter cigar, after a heavy meal you can pull out one of the heavy duty bad boys. (Perhaps a Churchill size Partagas).

Cigars are measured length wise in inches, and are called a variety of shape names.  Your shorter thicker ones may be called Robustos or Toros, your longer thinner ones may be called Lonsdales, Panatelas, or Lanceros.

The most popular size is the Corona, and the longer bad boys fall into categories like the Double Corona, the Churchill, the Inmensa, and the Gigante, depending on the name the manufacturer wants to use.

The thickness of cigars is measured by “ring size.” It is measured in 1/64th of an inch. So a 32 ring would be half of an inch in diameter.

The guy who rolls up the tobacco into a cigar is called a torcedor. It requires a lot of practice, and most of time cigar molds are used.

So now you know the basics.  Time to get some experience, time to get your cigars from my affiliate  Famous Smokes

LITTLE BLACK BOOK

BACHELORS:

Once upon a time, the world of the VIP Bachelor was completely analog.

One of the classic traditional old time bachelor must haves, was the “little black book,” sort of an address and phone book where the hip bachelor kept in his hip pocket the names and numbers of all of his female “possibilities,” including vital statistics.

Yes, it is retro, perhaps it is even passe’ but you know what, it’s pretty cool to have one, whip it out in front of your buddies, and it can’t crash on you.

It’s a cool bachelor project to start and maintain your little black book, and it’s about time the tradition enjoyed a resurgence.  No matter your age, you are going to find a lot of cool shit in the world of the retro bachelor.

Among all of the useful reference works in the world, the CIA World Fact Book, Diseases of Poultry ( now in its thirteenth edition! ) and A History of Cannibalism, you will find your very own Little Black Book the most useful, and most often used.

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Channel your inner Hugh Hefner. Explore the possibilities by clicking the image at right.

THE PERFECT MATCH

BACHELORS:

Sometimes the smallest things about or around us can positively impress others. Something minuscule, something everyday, can be a conversation starter, and who knows where a conversation can lead?

Now obvious things, a suit, a watch, a pair of shoes can certainly have an effect on others, but something as lowly as a pack of matches?

Yep.

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Gentlemen, I submit for your approval and exploration Swan Vestas.

It’s a classy alternative way to light a cigar or a cigarette, and believe it or not, when I started carrying these as my every day pack of matches, I would get inquiries as to where to get them, and positive comments as to how cool they were. 

This from a box of matches.

They’ve been around since 1883, and originally came from England. They got their current name in 1906 when Diamond Match Company, (you must have heard of them), merged with the firm of Bryant and May.

In the mid 1930’s, these were the ne plus ultra matches in Britain, and Swan Vestas eventually found a new home at the Swedish Match Company.

Buy them and try them. 

Instead of flicking your Bic, pull out a box of Swan Vestas, and see what happens.  Remember, even the little things count. Tap the image above and get enlightened. 

Swan Vestas. They’re the perfect match.

BE MR. CLEAN MR. BACHELOR

BACHELORS:

Some of you may be old enough to remember The Odd Couple during its original run, some of you may have caught the re-runs or the remake.  In this comedy, there were two very different bachelors living together after having been given exit visas by the wives.

One was the slob, Oscar Madison. One was the neat freak, Felix Ungar. 

Image result for THE ODD COUPLE
     Guess which one is Felix.

Felix was neatly attired, cultured, intellectual, and about as much fun as watching paint dry.  Oscar was a blast, a riot, but still a slob and a housekeeping horror; the kind of guy who’d wear a sweatshirt to the ballet, except he wouldn’t get caught dead at the ballet.

Now, if we could have but merged the two together, made a hybrid, we would have the ideal VIP Bachelor, the kind of guy you would want to be, the kind of guy you should be, and the kind of guy for whom romantic company would be more than just a myth.

So look around your bachelor pad, gentlemen.  Who are you, Oscar or Felix?

You should be Felix, at least as far as your environment and your clothes are concerned.  Messy mansion equals messy mind.  What you see on the outside from your environment, can greatly affect what goes on inside, in your VIP Bachelor head.

Think about it.  Is the floor your closet?  Is your closet a gateway to a parallel universe?  Are you concerned that your dust bunnies may multiply like…rabbits?  When you open your refrigerator is there something apparently extraterrestrial lurking inside?  Is Swamp Thing residing in your shower?Image result for public domain image blob

If so, what kind of image of your self is that implanting?

Women do not like slobs, at least the kind of women who have most of their teeth, short arrest records, and don’t get sleeve tattoos. 

The kind of woman (or guy if you go that way) you want is one you can bring home to mother, without dear old mom having a coronary; unless of course you hate your mother.

Do you want to come home to an unorganized sty, or a neat and clean bachelor pad?  The question is rhetorical by the way.  But here’s the answer in any event…

YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A NEAT CLEAN ORGANIZED ENVIRONMENT

Image result for public domain image toothless woman
She doesn’t like a messy place!

Why? Because you will like it better, you will like yourself better, and whoever you bring home to make the monster with two backs will likely not immediately run out the door screaming for the authorities.

So, take a look around.  Clean something, anything, to start. Polish a doorknob, kill the mold in the shower, change the remnants of cloth that may be one day identified by archaeologists as having been your bed linen.

Then get in the habit of daily cleaning, only ten minutes a day.  Pretty soon you will develop what has been called “Housekeeper’s Eye,” and any little nastiness remaining in your bachelor pad will stand out like a sore thumb.

Do this for thirty days, and it will become a habit. Clip art Activities Cleaning

But even better, make it an obsession like it was with Felix, but still be fun to be around.  Your life should improve in all directions, personal and professional, because you will be implanting in your mind the qualities of neatness and organization, and perhaps most important, attention to detail.

Believe it or not, once you get used to neat and well organized, you will never settle for anything less, and you might even enjoy cleaning…well maybe, but at least you won’t be contemplating defenestration as a viable alternative.

So what about it gentlemen, if any of you are neat freaks already, please let us know, let us learn your tips and tricks in the comment section.

For some old time cleaning tips from Mrs. Beeton, check out

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If you want to explore the humor of The Odd Couple, enjoy it today.  Learn from both Felix and Oscar to be the ideal VIP Bachelor.  

HAND JOB

BACHELORS:

It should be no secret by now, but one of the first things a woman notices about you, (assuming you are clothed of course), is the shape and condition of your hands.

Not only for romantic purposes, but for professional purposes too, you want your nails in top shape, because messy cuticles aren’t cute, and nobody wants to hang with a guy with hangnails.

Now, you can go the manicure at the salon route, where some poor manicurist is trying to earn enough to pay off the people that got her illegally in the country. (It’s no joke the way these poor people are exploited).  If you are going to the salon, be sure to tip well, because these ladies are not making shit from the owner of the salon.

So, if you want to overspend to care for your nails, that of course is your choice — if you like the perfunctory attention of a brief hand massage —  then by all means take care of your nails in this manner.  Maybe you will exorcise your inner gangster fantasy, or maybe the manicurist is near sighted with shaky hands, and you will wind up with a painful infection in your finger the following day.

The worst thing you can hear a manicurist say is “oops!”

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However, if you are a DIY kind of guy, you are going to do the job yourself, take your time, do it right, and not incur gangrene in the process.  To do that, you are going to want the right tools for the job. 

You will also want something stylish and masculine, because that’s who you are isn’t it?  How about this beauty in black and red.  Sharp looking with sharp instruments so your nails look professionally groomed.

How about you, who takes care of your nails?

BE A ZERO HERO

BACHELORS:

Do you carry a briefcase to work instead of a lunch pail, carry one in VIP Bachelor style.  A briefcase is an extension of your wardrobe, and when properly selected, adds to your total image as one cool character. Heck, it can be downright sexy.

Now normally ZERO is not a desirable number, but when it comes to aluminum business cases, ZERO is number one.  ZERO HALIBURTON.

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Since 1938, when Erie P. Haliburton invented the aluminum case, this baby has been the Zero hero on the road and in the air, and one often carried by the elite in movies and in reality.  Thirty years after its creation, Haliburton merged with Zero Corporation, and the present name was born.

James Bond carried a special edition Zero Haliburton in Quantum of Solace, (one of the few things in that movie that was top notch).

Your humble blog master often carried an aluminum case like this to court, and I can’t remember how many times I heard some kind of complimentary James Bond comment. I loved it, you will too.

So if you want to outwardly embrace your inner James Bond, if you want to get noticed on the street and in the airport as a sophisticated important man of the world, you are going to want to add Zero to your calculations.

To explore the image possibilities for you inherent in Zero, click on the image above, explore the color options and the other aluminum case alternatives available.  Select the one that best suits you. 

Imagine the appreciative looks you will get, the possibilities of your case being a precedent to start a conversation with a potential Bond girl, the more confident feeling you will have when you become a Zero Hero.

Are you already a Zero Hero? Tell us about the facts of your case in the comments.

THE PRICE IS WRONG

BACHELORS:

For the next three posts, we’ll be exploring some vintage public domain movies especially for the edification of a bachelor, or the man who would be one again.

Sometimes a man regrets being married. Sometimes he comes up with a creative way of fixing the situation. Image result for house on haunted hill

In the classic public domain movie, THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL, Vincent Price, while hosting a “theme” party for a select guest list, makes good use of a marionette to end his being married. You could say he gets a helping hand from an old friend for a very uncontested divorce. 

The Price is right about returning to his bachelor status. He has a bone to pick with his wife.

It’s great fun, brought to you by the master of B- Movie gimmicks, William Castle.  When this baby was shown, in some of the theaters, the audience was treated to the cinematic miracle of EMERGO, which was the fancy name Castle used for when a skeleton on a wire flew out into the seats, and either scared the ticket holders, or caused them to die laughing at the cheesy effects.

See it for free on Youtube.

House on Haunted Hill (Colorized / Black & White)
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Want a DVD of the colorized version for your collection?  Click on the image at right for your 50’s horror fright.  If you haven’t seen it in color, you are truly missing something.  Get it today.

SOMETHING FISHY IN NIGHT TIDE

        Linda Gets Wet in Night Tide                                                             

BACHELORS:    

I find myself Fixating on really cool but crappy public domain movies of late.  Specifically those ideal for VIP Bachelor viewing.

They don’t make romantic movies like they used to, and they never made one quite like this.  The moral of this story is be careful who ( or what ) you fall in love with.  You might get all washed up.

Image result for night tide

It’s 1961 and a very young Dennis Hopper is a sailor who meets the very lovely Linda Lawson at a jazz club.  Romance blooms, but the “fact” she is a mermaid (or plays one at the carnival) shows that something fishy is going on. Catch the movie NIGHT TIDE in the public domain on Youtube. It’s another twisted bachelor tale you’ll no doubt enjoy.

If you want to own the DVD for your collection try the remastered Blu-Ray. 

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Linda Lawson, who plays the “mermaid” love interest in the film, was at the time of making this movie a rising singer and actress.  She was incredibly beautiful, and as of this writing, she is still with us.

Dennis Hopper, who plays the sailor in love was, well, Dennis Hopper. He is missed.

Scroll down for a post about another public domain “classic” involving a love gone very wrong.

USE YOUR HEAD

BACHELORS:

One of the great things about Youtube, is you can find just about anything there, including movies which are in the public domain.

One of the FUN things to do on a rainy afternoon or a stormy night is watch public domain horror movies, with a bachelor twist.  That is a movie which involves an unmarried man in a twisted relationship with one or more women.

She’ll save a fortune on clothes now! No need for a mani-pedi either.

Gentlemen, I give you a classically bad movie you might enjoy, (given enough beer and/or weed) 

The Brain That Wouldn’t Die

It gives a whole new meaning to the concept of getting head from your significant other. Check it out today or if you’re brave enough…tonight. Then give us your rating of this cut-rate film.  

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Want to own the Blu-Ray?  Click the image.